Below are the 5 most recent journal entries recorded in You're stupid for reading this.'s InsaneJournal:

Monday, July 7th, 2003
8:15 pm	I just E-mailed 3 of my friends. Dumped them all. I would E-mail Josh to dump him, but he never does E-mail. My fucking friends suck. I'll still be friends with Jessica. She probably hates me too. I don't know ... a good charitable citizen (Jessica) doing a favor for a fat, ugly slob (me). I don't need anyone's fucking friendship. All that does is give them a chance to fucking backstab me. Fuck that shit. It's LD's birthday and I haven't even seen him since ... I don't remember. JD called last night. He hung up and said he'd call back ... he didn't call back. GOD!!!!!! Everyone is fucking plotting against me. I miss LD. I dumped Jamie, Ashley, and Rhiannon. I can't help but feel a bit guilty, but they probably don't give a shit about me. Jamie and Ashley are good, strong Christians. How do I know they weren't just doing a nice, Christian act or whatever? I'd be tired of me too. 7 years of their lives. God, I am not sure where or whom I'll be sitting with at school next year. I'm not sure I'll be friends with Rachel. I forget her E-mail address. She is friends with Rachel ... Amber is supposed to be my friend (I don't trust her), but she secretly hates me and talks about me behind my back ... she'll probably get Rachel and all my other friends to join in ... and they'll all have dirt. THey're not getting anymore, that's for sure. (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 5th, 2003
2:11 am	The Lion King and Virginity I keep changing my mind as to what I'll write in a rare journal entry. It's almost like having a word limitation. I've been watching more and more Disney movies. I watched the Lion King a few nights ago. It reminded me of my Dad. I wish he was whom I had always though he was. He wasn't. He was just another neurotic, unstable, melo-dramatic head game. I'm not sure if he ever loved me or if he just loved me too much. I guess I miss the way we used to play ... I don't know. He had me thinking that it was everyone else's fault he is in a mess and that his side of the family was the good side ... that the other side is just made up of a bunch of greedy, sick, lying, thieves and tried to make me hate them. How could I have been so gullible? Then again, I was 6. I remember so many corny things that I am so ashamed to think let alone say. I'm such a lonely sap, I guess. Thanks Dad ... I'm turning into you, asshole. Ha, I'll never to into my dad. I remember sometimes we would watch some of my movies .... he never would let me watch PG13 Movies ... I didn't know why. He is just fucked up. At my house, I don't live a sheltered life ... at all. I guess he wanted me to have one, so I did whenever I would see him. He would fall asleep during the movies ... and snore loudly so the movie would be ruined ... or he would talk through too much of it. Do you know how in The Lion King, Mufasa says "Because no one messes with your Dad!" (or something like that)? Well, he would say that when the movie was showing. I forgot about it. We would wrestle around. I didn't really like doing that, but I miss it. I hate him for messing with my mind and lying about everything! Now, I resent everything about him. I used to not be ashamed of being 25% Polish. Now, I'll just say I'm full Irish. I'm mostly Irish anyway. I know all these things are small things ... and very pathetic ... it's all the little things mixed together. July 8 is coming up. I figured Zac would have called by now. I almost wish he would so I could fuck him Tuesday. I hate him, I really think I do. He is the person I lost it to July 8, I just sort of hoped it could be with the same person on the 1 year after anniversary. Josh plans to lose his virginity to me Monday. I was going to, but he has a girlfriend. We're bestfriends .. but, I might not without a relationship. We always cheat on the person we're dating with each other. Actually, I didn't cheat on Zac with him. I called Josh up around 11:30 p.m. last week. I was drunk and asked him out. I remembered it the next morning though ... so I wasn't completely trashed. Maybe it isn't such a bad idea. He is bi. I don't date bi guys. I don't know. I just wish someone wanted me for me. I doubt that will happen anytime soon. Zac told everyone. I have a REALLY bad reputation at AHS because of him and a few others. I'll probably just act all innocent and sweet. I've done it before just out of boredom, but I can pretend. I have to get rid of my reputation. I'll leave this journal entry for a few days. I don't think I'm going to bed tonight. I am tired of sleeping. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 1st, 2003
6:44 pm	Study Shows marijuana does not kill brain cells Hey, I found this on AOL ... Everyone says that marijuana kills braincells (or you) which is totally false! Read on.LOS ANGELES (June 27) - Smoking marijuana will certainly affect perception, but it does not cause permanent brain damage, researchers from the University of California at San Diego said Friday in a study. "The findings were kind of a surprise. One might have expected to see more impairment of higher mental function," said Dr. Igor Grant, a UCSD professor of psychiatry and the study's lead author. Other illegal drugs, or even alcohol, can cause brain damage. His team analyzed data from 15 previously published, controlled studies into the impact of long-term, recreational cannabis use on the neurocognitive ability of adults. The studies tested the mental functions of routine pot smokers, but not while they were actually high, Grant said. The results, published in the July issue of the Journal of the International Neuropsychological Society, show that marijuana has only a marginally harmful long-term effect on learning and memory. No effect at all was seen on other functions, including reaction time, attention, language, reasoning ability, and perceptual and motor skills. Grant said the findings are particularly significant amid questions about marijuana's long-term toxicity now that several states are considering whether to make it available as a medicinal drug. In California, growing marijuana for medical purposes is legal under a voter-approved law. The UCSD analysis of studies involving 704 long-term cannabis users and 484 nonusers was sponsored by a state-supported program that oversees research into the use of cannabis to treat certain diseases. Anecdotal evidence has shown that marijuana can help ease pain in patients with diseases like multiple sclerosis or prevent severe nausea in cancer patients, but the effects have yet to be proven in controlled studies, Grant said. The UCSD research team said the problems observed in learning and forgetting suggest that long-term marijuana use results in selective memory defects, but said the impact was of a very small magnitude. "If we barely find this tiny effect in long-term heavy users of cannabis, then we are unlikely to see deleterious side effects in individuals who receive cannabis for a short time in a medical setting," Grant said. In addition, he noted that heavy marijuana users often abuse other drugs, such as alcohol and amphetamines, which also might have long-term neurological effects. Some of the research studies used in the analysis were limited by the numbers of subjects or insufficient information about factors like exposure to other drugs or whether participants suffered from conditions like depression or personality disorders. "If it turned out that new studies find that cannabis is helpful in treating some medical conditions, this enables us to see a marginal level of safety," Grant said. 06/27/03 00:01 ET Copyright 2003 Reuters Limited. All rights reserved. Republication or redistribution of Reuters content, including by framing or similar means, is expressly prohibited without the prior written consent of Reuters. Reuters shall not be liable for any errors or delays in the content, or for any actions taken in reliance thereon. All active hyperlinks have been inserted by AOL. (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 26th, 2003
1:24 am	...my shitty poem. Well, I don't have anything to do. I feel half drunk for some reason. I haven't drank. I am also feeling weird. I said I wouldn't post here anymore but whom do you speak to when your friends are gone? I sound like an old lady, huh? OK I'm gonna write a poem that will more than likely suck. Eh, this should be my last entry, later. Action creates habit And you find yourself You're becoming predictable Yet you find it's uncontrollable. No one is ever who they thought they were No one ever says what you think you heard Everyone lies even when their face is straight You can't have the answers if you don't concentrate You can't admit how they were right And how it could have been all right But you had to prove that you're tough enough You had to prove you can handle it rough Then you run away and leave the weak one alone Trusting she has gained the strength to do this on her own Believing how some things were out of your control Thinking how she's slick and she's got you fooled. Learning from mistakes As you come down with the shakes Wondering where you went wrong /-\nd accept your heartache You fell into a hole You dug it yourself You are now controlled in your dirty, greedy wealth. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 25th, 2003
1:41 am	Dad Dad got into my s/n from his house. He has been E-mailing shit from my account from people, going to *obscene* sites and printing off that shit saying it was me when I don't know my own password because the bastard got in there and changed it. I supposedbly am buying drugs off the internet and am selling them to my friends. What the hell is his problem? I hate him. Why is he trying to set me up? I guess his motive is to get me taken away from Mom. I told him I never want to see him or talk to him again. I asked my step-dad to adopt me. He said that Dad would have to sign over papers. I told him I want his last name. He wants me to have it but I need Dad's permission. I am deleting all my previous entries. You need to know nothing of my life or friends. I am me and you do not have the right to get inside my head. What is my problem? When I was all into church and everything I became so gullible and didn't hide everything the way I used to. I think I am still a bit trusting. How could I have been so dumb? I am also getting a new E-mail address. I do not use the s/n from my dad's house and I E-mailed everyone to tell them it isn't me. Dad doesn't need my E-mail. I wish he'd deny me the way he denied me when I was born or the way he denies paying for an abortion for me (that Mom never had, of course). Bye. (2 Comments |Comment on this)